(see below for english)Hoje fizemos o aniversario da Julia em casa, adiantamos a festinha para aproveitar que minha irmazinha estava aqui, e tambem porque no dia do aniversario dela estarei no pior periodo. Foi lindo, a Bele decorou a casa, arrumou tudo com baloes. A Julia esta tao feliz com a Gabi, elas brincam o dia inteiro, realmente fazia falta alguma crianca para a Julia brincar. Fico com pena de pensar que amanha ela nao tera com quem brincar novamente. Ja se tornou um habito ela acordar e correr pra chamar a Gabi. Ao mesmo tempo, eh triste ela ter que crescer sem moradia fixa, sem rotina, sempre viajando e se adaptando, e consquentemente sem conviver com amigos e familia. Ela sempre pergunta pelos amiguinhos Duda, Khaio e a prima Helena.
Confesso que foi uma sensacao estranha no aniversario, apesar de estar feliz de poder curtir esse momento, varias coisas passaram na minha cabeca. Sao coisas invevitaveis que passam na cabeca de quem esta numa situacao como a minha. O pior sao duvidas quando ao futuro e questionamentos sobre a vida. Quantos aniversarios estarei com ela? … No final nao consegui conter o choro na hora do parabens, e fiquei muito abalado emocionalmente. Eh algo que mesmo tentando ser forte, eh impossivel evitar. Tem horas que simplesmente eh impossivel esquecer a ameaca, fazer de conta que esta tudo bem, e ser positivo. Esse eh o mundo que estou vivendo, essa montanha russa de sentimentos. Amanha fico bem de novo, mas tem momentos que desmorono e tenho que aceitar isso, juntar forcas e seguir adiante com o mesmo astral de sempre.
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Today we celebrated Julia's birthday at home, we did it few days earlier so she can celebrate with my little sister and also because on the actual day, I will be very sick again. It was amazing, Cibele decorated the house, with many balloons. Julia is so happy with Gabi, they pay together the whole day, she really needed another child to play. I feel sad to think that starting tomorrow, she won't have anybody to play with again. It is already part of her routine, when she wakes up, she runs and calls for Gabi. It is sad for her to grow up without a stable place to live, she is always travelling and cannot live together with her family and friends. She always asks about her friends Duda, Khaio and her cousin Helena.
I must confess it has been a weird feeling for her birthday, even if I am really happy to be able to enjoy those moments, many things crossed my mind.Things that someone in my situation can not avoid. Like doubts and questions about the future and life. How many birthdays will I have with her? I couldn't avoid crying when singing "happy birthday", and I felt emotionally shaken afterwards. Even if I try to be strong, this is something I can't avoid. Sometimes, it is simply impossible to forget the threat, just pretend that everything is alright, and stay positive. This is the world I am living in, this roller coaster of feelings. Tomorrow I will be fine again, but sometimes I come down and I have to accept this, gather strenghts and go on with the same good energy as usual.
